What’s Your Depth Like?

What’s Your Depth Like?

Image result for classy black women

Hi ladies, recently I stumbled upon something important that it literally blew my mind and I thought about sharing it with y’all.

Honestly, all ladies are beautiful, in whatever shape, size and height they come in, they are all beautiful, trust me, there is a man out there that loves you the way you are. The truth is men have so many ladies to choose from, there are thousands of ladies that have the same shape, height, size and are more beautiful than you are, so when a man chooses to be with you, stop putting him under unnecessary pressure or giving him an attitude, if you push too much, he will leave after all there are many fishes in the water and since he has chosen to eat mackerel but the bones are giving him a hard time, he would choose an alternative.

I know you will say if he wants me he will fight for you, yes he will but you need to give him the green light as John Legend sang, even Rapunzel in her massive tower let down her hair for prince charming to come in. With that being said, let’s get back to today’s topic. So among these beautiful ladies, what is that thing that makes you unique, sets you apart from every lady out there? Take your time to think about it and send your comments.

What I have discovered from studies and personal observation is DEPTH.
Yes depth. In today’s world, most people especially ladies are carried away with frivolous things such that the inner character that defines who we are and attracts people to us is gradually fading out. We spend more time investing in our physical looks, on Instagram and snap-chats than improving our personality and character. When I say depth, I mean quality, pedigree and a situation where your personality is as attractive as and reflects your appearance. For example if you are beautiful physically but your character is nasty and you are shallow, that is a total turn off for whoever comes your way because your beauty inside should radiate outside.So if, what a person gets from you is a nasty attitude, you are nasty and no matter how beautiful you are, people cannot put up with nastiness for too long.

Also, depth reflects in your conversations with people, your choice of words and reactions. For example, ladies that call other ladies bitches, hoes or use vulgar words are obviously shallow and lack self esteem and respect. Similarly, can a man be with you, be relaxed and have an intelligent conversation with you for more than 1 hour without you cracking up stupidly? Does he get bored after spending 30 minutes with you? Can you go to the bar with a guy without requesting for a bottle of Guinness or similar beer that a man drinks? When you drink like this, the man sees you as one of the boys or a drinking partner and then you wonder why he has no respect for you or he is seeing other women. Oh girl! if you are like this, then you need to begin to readjust yourself.

Class, integrity, sophistication are part of the byproducts of depth. Do you stick to your words when you tell the boo I will stop clubbing or seeing my ex? Do you get angry unnecessarily or over small matters and throw a tantrum? Girl! men hate stress, they experience it every day because of the demands placed on them, being with the babe is a time for them to ease off stress but when babe is a fighter and a nag…. he will hit the road. What is your dressing like? Do you dress like a cheap girl or your dressing reveals the classy lady that you are?

Basically, take a moment to think about all these, ask yourself if your appearance reflects you because if you are ugly on the inside and beautiful outside, after a while, your ugliness will overtake the beauty. Similarly, learn to look for this depth in men because you need it, to have a great relationship.

Finally remember to leave your comments below on the unique quality you look for in a man or you feel sets you apart from other women out there.

Men Don’t Fall In Love With Perfect Women (Discussion)

Men Don’t Fall In Love With Perfect Women (Discussion)

Hi Everyone, how is your day going?

For today’s post, I said I was going to discuss the previous posts on men falling in love with perfect women. The word perfection is relative to the user and the context within which it is being used. Generally, we are not the same, were not brought up the same way and are from different countries where culture and tradition differ, so the definition of perfection will differ because of these features. The only constant standard for perfection and excellence is  God and his word, which he has given us to live by because he knows the ways of man are not perfect, and because of the societal norms and man-made customs, our thoughts can lack excellence. Nevertheless, in all these he loves and accepts us the way we are well enough to send Jesus to die for mankind.

Likewise, the guy that claims to love you, will love you with the flaws et al. Funny stuff could be that those flaws are what attracted you to him more than the good things you think you have. In this context, perfection to him could be lip gloss and white talc powder meanwhile you are busy spending so much money on M.A.C and MaryKay products, why not find out what he likes and does not like about you and improve upon them

“I believe one of the biggest roadblocks to romance is our need and desire to be perfect. It is our desire to be “enough” that is causing us much of the pain and suffering.” (D. Shen, 2017)

The truth is that most ladies feel that until they go into a relationship, that’s when they should start taking care of the pimples and acne on their faces, the body odor or the nasty attitude.  You should not do that because of him, you should seek self improvement for yourself – simply because being better makes you and those around you happy and brings out the best of you. What you may think is “enough” might be the huge turnoff in your relationship. So don’t seek to make yourself perfect but focus on self improvement that makes you and those around you happy.

Men Don’t Fall in Love with Perfect Women (1)

Men Don’t Fall in Love with Perfect Women (1)

Hi every one, happy Thursday. This week, I came across some articles that were quite interesting to read but I was contemplating  if I should share with you or not? Nevertheless, I will share one of them because it’s all about knowledge acquisition.  You can read the article, pick out the vital information that you think you need and  trash the rest. Kindly note, I did not write the article but will reference the author at the bottom of the page. Its pretty long but i will break it into three blog posts for your convenience. So here goes part one:

Did you ever watch that movie back in the 90’s with Richard Gere and Julia Roberts, Pretty Woman? (If you haven’t, it’s definitely worth your time). If you have seen it… then let me ask you a simple question…

Why (or more specifically… HOW) did a high status and rich lawyer (Richard Gere) end up falling in love with a woman who sells her body for a living and apparently didn’t have any “class”, any education, or the other characteristics that society tells us we should have?

Perhaps love is blind? Or perhaps there are other factors at play here?

Let me come back to what the answer is a bit later on.

Interesting thing about men falling in love…

In all my research into why men and women fall in love, I’ve come across some very interesting and surprising discoveries.


For example… men tend to fall in love within hours of meeting a woman. In other words, the biological process of falling in love for a man, happens rather quick.

(We’re talking about the cascade of dopamine, oxytocin and vasopressin in the brain but let’s not get geeky here.)

What this means for you, is that when it comes to dating, the first few hours or the first few interactions are probably the most important.This doesn’t mean a romance couldn’t ensue later down the track, it is just to demonstrate the speed in which “falling in love” occurs.


Another thing I have found interesting is this, the more effort you put into wanting someone to like you, the less likely they will fall in love with you.

So ironic huh?

(Perhaps I’ll talk more about that in another article.)

I believe one of the biggest roadblocks to romance is our need and desire to be perfect. It is our desire to be “enough” that is causing us much of the pain and suffering.

If I could only just be enough…

If I could just be tall enough, pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough… perhaps then I am worthy of love, perhaps then I’ll find that man who loves me, perhaps then he won’t leave me again…


(Even though we theoretically and intellectually know that nobody in this world is perfect, we still chase after this idea of “perfection”.)

And look, there’s nothing wrong with chasing perfection. It is, by all means a “good” thing. An artist chases perfection and takes their art to a whole new realm.

An athlete chases perfection and sets a new standard for the rest of the world.

A designer chases perfection and creates a brand new paradigm of thinking.

However… (And this is a BIG however…)

When it comes to love and romance, the pursuit of perfection is perhaps your biggest enemy. That’s right… the pursuit of perfection kills love.

Because for as long as you’re trying to be perfect, you can’t be fully engaged with a man. You can’t fully be present and “fall” into the moment.

You can’t feel the subtle emotions that are required for romance and passion to exist.

You’re simply too busy in your own head being caught up with this idea of perfection.


(Remember perfectionists aren’t happy people)

And men simply don’t fall in love with perfect women.

D. Shen
Founder of Shen Wade Media
Commitment Triggers
The Art of Comparison

The Art of Comparison

I watched a movie recently about three female friends and their relationships  with their partners (two were married and one was single). The focal point of the movie was Comparison or what I will call the Act of Comparison. As individuals, we have a tendency to want to compare our lives with other peoples’ lives, because we believe their lives are better than ours. We are driven by the image the society has painted for us as the perfect picture, such that we see what could have been beautiful as ugly or perfect as imperfect. For example, an average girl would describe the ideal man as tall, lean muscled, perfect smile, white teeth, earns 6 figures, has a mansion and the list goes on… Similarly, men follow the standards of what the perfect lady should be. In the process of following these artificial and man made descriptions, we miss seeing the excellence and simplicity of beauty in others. We miss seeing how delightful hanging out with that lanky guy or lady is, how the rich laughter resonating from an average guy or lady sounds magical to the ears, or how the presence of that big lady fills the room with so much energy and life.

Likewise in our lives we judge ourselves too much by these societal standards forgetting that we are different and unique. We are vessels made from different materials; clay, gold, wood, metal e.t.c. and these materials, have their own unique properties that makes them distinct from each other. These properties influence the degree of pressure, heat, manipulation etc that can be exerted on them. For example, metal can bend but wood can not, gold needs fire to be refined but wood needs a lot of chiseling to be refined. Therefore as a vessel, you will be at your best when you function according to the property you are made of. For example, if you are like wood you have no business being on fire because unlike metal or clay, you will burn. Also, it will be more honorable for you that after you have found your properties, function according to them, Do not look at the gold vase in the room or the glass vase in the kitchen, and wish you were in their shoes. The gold vase may look beautiful as a piece of ornament but may feel miserable being one. If you swap positions, you may see that as glass, you may not be able to endure the fall when the the kids push you off the table, you would shatter. The truth is the properties that you are made of, kind of affects the challenges you may experience in life. The refining period of your life helps to harness, strengthen and bring out the best of those properties, just like gold, such that when challenges that match the properties come, you can absorb or refrain them as you are expected to.

The moral is do not compare yourself to others because you are you and no one can be like you. Be satisfied and enjoy the beauty around you because while you were busy pursuing the standards of the society, you missed the most precious things and moments of life.

Properties; Your personality ; features, distinctive attribute, or quality, characteristics


Perfecto (Single and Loving it 3)


Ballet (2)

This just says it all. Yeah… why do you want to spend your time thinking about how lonely you feel, why you are single or weird, if there is something wrong with you or why everything around you is quiet . Channel all that energy to acquiring a skill and learning something new. Thank God for the internet, you can take online classes and perfect your act from so many academies (Shaw AcademyLynda, Coursera  and the list goes on). Get your game on and invest in your personality.

Like Fine Wine (Single and Loving it 2)

Like Fine Wine (Single and Loving it 2)

I am not a relationship expert and do not have a degree in human relations, but I can tell you confidently that relationships are important. I have heard people say that no man is an island, and others have contended this quote by justifying self sufficiency. I am not arguing with that because truly each individual is a complete package created by God and all that you need, to be who you are is inside of you. I will compare you to the cell.

Biologically, the cell is the smallest unit of life and it has all it needs to self exist, so do you. However, the cell needs to connect with other cells to be able to discover and maximize its full potentials. By itself, it’s a cell that exists alone but with other cells especially the right ones, it realizes that together  “Hey, I can grow to become a tissue and then with other tissues, I can grow to be an organ and achieve greater things in life”. And this is what you need …to achieve greater things with and in your life.

So just like the cell, you need friends… the right friends and the  period you are by yourself is the right time to choose (if you have a sea of friends) the right ones who are loyal, understanding and take you just the way you are. If you have few friends or are selective when it comes to making friends, then your best bet is to either go through the ones you have and choose the right ones or you make new friends. Because this friend or these friends, either old or new, have a role in helping you discover more about yourself and maximizing your potentials. I know its not easy making new friends, because it takes time to figure them out, build trust etc. but if the old ones are not who they are, Girl you need to move out and on. The most important thing is that when you start the friendship, especially with the new ones, ensure its a good one becuse as the saying goes “good friends are like fine wine, they only get better with age”.

Single and Loving it

Single and Loving it

Being single is one of the most beautiful things in the world. Most times, people believe that it is a horrible thing to be single, and that you are incomplete without a man in your life or you need to be under the rule and control of a man who should either be your boy friend or lover. However, all those stories are shenanigans that are designed to bring you down and lower your self esteem. As I said at the beginning of this post, being a single lady is beautiful and comes with many benefits. Some of these benefits are

a) Self- Discovery: Yes self-discovery is one major task you owe yourself in this world. The job of knowing who you are, what you love and want and your purpose. There is nothing as fulfilling as discovering who you are. A lot of times having one guy after the other in your life drowns out your inner girl or lady because you are always measuring up to the guy’s standard or you are trying to please him as much as you can so you drown the real you and build your self to please others. But the periods when you are unattached, give you the time to think and figure who you are, what you love, what you really want to be and most importantly find deeper meanings to life and friendship. During this time, you are emotionally, mentally and spiritually aligned and you can absorb the beauty and glory of God in every thing around you while taking out the trash in places you do not want.

b) Travel: Ahh, a trip to Maldives, Venice or Seychelles with the girls is a breath of fresh air in spring and that is all you need. The world is a beautiful place to explore and there are many languages, people and other culture to explore. This is the time to go on an adventure and see the beautiful things God has created. Thank God for the internet and websites like TripAdvisor, where you can find the lowest prices of hotels in the country you want to visit and reviews on these hotels by previous visitors. You can also check out Kayak for hotels, car rentals and affordable flights to places around the world. So pack your bags and explore.

In my next blog, I will share more benefits and then take you on the journey of self discovery.